Nathaniel Branden said: The first step towards change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. Even though that sounds great – those two steps are not enough. For that reason, I would add a 3rd step and that is, do something about it. And – if the problem or circumstance is something you can’t change on your own, get professional help.
According to positivepsychology.com, there are three constructive ways to deal with problems and circumstances – Do something to change them, Walk away from them, Accept them. I have turned these three options into a workable method that people can use to deal with problems and circumstances they encounter daily. Here they are:
1. Do something to change it: If you can solve problems or improve your circumstances, do it. Don’t delay. This is usually the best option to take. Get help if needed.
2. Walk away from it: If you can’t solve problems or change your circumstances and the cost of walking away from them is not too high, do it, don’t delay. In this case, it is a good alternative. Get help if needed.
3. Accept it: If you can’t solve problems or change your circumstances and the cost of walking away from them is too high and therefore not an option – the only other rational choice is to accept and live with it, no matter how bad it may be. If this is your only option, do it. Don’t delay. Begin to learn to live with it. Get help if needed.
If you don’t choose one of these options and continue procrastinating, you will get stuck in negative emotions, thoughts, and actions.
If you can identify problems and circumstances beforehand, think about them and decide on a plan of action. You should (i) identify the problem or circumstance that you must deal with, (ii) think about the problem or circumstance, analyse it with your rational and emotional brain, and (iii) devise a plan of action. If you practice this, you will learn to handle anything on the spot in the future – calmly, peacefully, and with wisdom. (See below how to make wise decisions)
This way of doing is connected to the so-called serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr, asking – God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Exercise: Please consider a few current scenarios. Consider, for example, problems or circumstances you are confronted with in your marriage, social life, personal life (physical and mental), and work. Decide under which option to place the problem(s). If you put it under option one, decide calmly, peacefully, and wisely how to change your circumstances for the better. If you can’t put it under option one, choose under which other option to place it and decide on an action plan.
Then, think about a few future scenarios, analyse them with your rational and emotional brain, and devise a plan of action. Please don’t push it to the point of overthinking. This is an exercise to help you identify the problem and decide whether it is (i) solvable, (ii) you should walk away, or (iii) accept it.
If other people are involved, like your spouse, it can be a good idea if he/she does the same exercise. After each of you has done that, you can talk about under which options you put the problems of circumstances you encounter and solutions you came up with.
For your information, Wisdom or wise decisions are decisions you make when your emotional and rational brains decide on a matter together. For example, think of these two circles as your emotional and rational brains. The coloured section in the middle is where good and wise decisions are made.
